Imagine yourself on the motorbike two-up with your beloved, in the endless straight lines of Patagonia, riding towards the sunset.... Now imagine the same thing but without the beautiful scenery. Put yourselves on the bike, dripping with sweat, struggling to survive the killing frenzy of the Brazilian truck drivers and the scorching sun of the tropics. Both stories can be equally true, but let’s face it: The second one is likely to happen more often than the first. Life can’t possibly be that dreamy every single day!

And after a long ride, you’re finally at a campsite, have just put up the tent and waiting for the instant noodles to soak enough to be kind of edible. And then you look into your beloved’s eyes and your only thought is “let’s go to sleep.”

I know that most photos on Facebook, Instagram and other social media depict happy moments with beautiful, clean and fresh smiling couples, but have you ever wondered if there’s a dark side behind this wholly idyllic picture? Guess what: there is! Not exactly dark... I’d say dirty… and I’m afraid it’s not with only positive connotations.

So, what do we have? A traffic jam, tired moments, dripping sweat inside motorcycle gear, bad food and consequently zero romance. Then why even bother to start a long-term trip with your partner? Simple: Because it’s the best! You probably presumed that with the above descriptions there is no space left for romance, but after some years on the road I know that you can have anything as long as you work on it.

In our case things were a bit different at the beginning. We didn’t plan and set off on a trip together. We first met on the road somewhere in Africa, decided to travel together for a month and long story short, since that day back in 2014, we’ve been together, traveling the world on our scooter. Getting to know each other was a fast forward procedure as we were together 24/7. And when the honeymoon was over, we realized that we needed to work on keeping our relationship healthy. It wasn’t easy at first, but now we think that we’ve found our way to be happy and can maybe share a few tips....

First, I won’t be giving any gender-orientated tips, as I believe that what I write here applies to all couples regardless of age, gender, nationality, etc. After all, we’re human and we have the same basic needs.

So, for us the key word to everything is “respect.” What I mean by respect is to understand one’s own personality and by doing so, you’ll most probably be able to understand the other’s needs, and maybe predict their reactions. And why am I stating what’s obvious? Because it isn’t. Most couples get to know each other better during a long-term trip because they have to spend all day, every day together. And usually that’s where the tension begins. So, respect means to give the other their space and time. Don’t try to talk and resolve a situation by pushing your partner to co-operate. Allow time. Or, if you are the one who needs more time, remember that your partner is waiting for you impatiently, so try to cut down the time you might otherwise need.

If there’s tension, find where it comes from. In our case, much of the tension is a result of “external factors” and has nothing to do with our relationship. We have different ways of resolving issues and sometimes we may disagree on the methods we follow. So, we try to be accurate about who does what. For example, if we decide that I’m going shopping to buy lentils, my partner won’t say anything if he’s tired of lentil soup. If I buy something more expensive than we had agreed, he’s allowed to correct me.

Know one’s limits (and respect them). For example, I have difficulty in dealing with too many people at the same time and tend to be slightly agoraphobic. My partner, because he knows and understands me, won’t leave me alone to handle a very noisy situation if he sees that I’m tired.

Choose your battles. When a bad moment comes, try to keep mouths shut and think. There are days when we ride in silence without disturbing each other’s thoughts. If you spend 8−10 hours every day being in contact with someone (total lack of space), it’s important to have the time to create some symbolic space at least. This means one thing: silence.

Last but not least, frequent “updates.” We often discuss how we feel with our choices. Are we okay? Do we need something different? How should we proceed? It’s important to know if we both like/need similar things in order to be happy, and we always try to talk and be “updated” about if we are okay.

And where is the romance in all these? Romance is not some cheap trick that some women achieve by donning lipstick or a fine dress, or men doing the prince-charming act. Trying to comply with gender-related stereotypes can kill romance. For us, romance is a state of mind that is achieved by knowing and respecting each other for everything we give each other. For us, the epitome of romance is being able to feel good and confident and being with a person with whom you can share even the everyday mundane moments. And if you achieve this, you’ll probably continue to see your partner dripping in sweat in their motorcycle gear as the most attractive person in the whole world!

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